I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the day after is always just damage control
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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