Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She is in my trunk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's official drugs can't kill me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
