i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Found your dick twin last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
