in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
