Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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