Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
