his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
