I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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