i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
