I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
NoShamevember. You game?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
