he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
