youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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