ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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