Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
