my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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