i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
