I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
