I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
