Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
