whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
