My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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