the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
