Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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