curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
