They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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