I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
