they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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