i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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