as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
