I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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