i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
