At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
