I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
