y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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