I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
