Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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