laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
