i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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