Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
