my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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