Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
