I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
