so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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