Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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