Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
