I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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