I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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