just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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