No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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