k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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