Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
