marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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