would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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