according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
