who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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