people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
