He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
