I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
