We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
