Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
