I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
