why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize