And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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