He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
