Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
