i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
