Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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