she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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